Private Eye Saiyuki
by blinkie
Summary: ONGOING AU: Sanzoikkou ala Sherlock Holmes! CHAPTER 1 UP! Gojyo and Hakkai investigate the Electric Dominatrix as their first assignment. R&R please!
1. Prologue

PRIVATE EYE SAIYUKI  
  
By blinkie  
  
  
  
Author's note: Alternate Universe fic about the Sanzo-ikkou as detectives. I originally planned to make it a funny fic but i don't want to make any promises, so i'll be going with my moods for now. BTW this is not for anyone who despises AU fics. Please do not read if you're that type of person because it might be a waste of your time, and if it's a waste of your time you'd get angry and write me a bad review which will make me miserable. In short, it's going to ruin all our days. But if you want to read, be my guest, just don't blame me for anything later. :-  
  
Please review! To all who reviewed my previous fics, thank you so much :- I hope you like this.  
  
I don't own Saiyuki :-  
  
  
  
Prologue  
  
It was a typical day at the precinct. Sanzo was tiredly poring over the usual foot-high paperwork on his desk while Goku snored loudly in his chair, feet propped up on his desk. They had pulled another all-nighter at work, and they were both exhausted to the bone. "Ch. Aunt or not, she's really a slavedriver." Sanzo thought, the hand holding the pen trembling in exhaustion.  
  
At 7 in the morning, the precinct was usually dead. The morning shift, which Gojyo and Hakkai handled, usually started at 8 am. "That gives me an hour's rest." Sanzo yawned and closed his eyes, meaning to rest for a few minutes, and was already half-asleep when the door burst open, followed by a hearty "OHAYO GOZAIMASU, MINNA-SAN!!!" and heavy footsteps entering the room. In his surprise Sanzo lost his balance and had to grab his desk to avoid a nasty spill onto the floor. However, the sudden movement disrupted the precarious balance of the mountain of paper on his desk, and dozens of loose sheets slid to the floor. A vein popped out on his forehead and began to throb incessantly. Sanzo clenched his fists and glared around angrily, searching for the source of all the racket. His eyes fell on the redhead and brunette near the coffee machine.  
  
"BAKA!!! Don't you even know how to knock??!" Sanzo yelled furiosuly at Gojyo, stooping to pick up the sheets on the floor.  
  
"Oh, oh, someone's having a bad morning today!" Gojyo said with mock concern. "Didn't get enough last night?" Gojyo smirked, inclining his head towards the sleeping Goku.  
  
'Don't. mess. With. Me." Sanzo said in a dangerously flat voice. He pulled out his gun and fired a shot into the air. "Unless you want to die so badly." Gojyo yelped and leapt behind Hakkai, using him as a shield. "Aaah!! Hakkai save me!!"  
  
"Ah, minna-san, let's all calm down." Hakkai said with his bright smile. 'We want to start the day right, right?" ^ _ ^  
  
"Ch. It's already ruined, thanks to that idiot you call your friend." Sanzo gathered the last of the paper and dumped them on his desk. He stomped over to the coffee machine, poured himself a mug of the strong black stuff and returned to his desk, surveying the mess with dismay.  
  
"Look at what you did, you idiot! This'll take hours to straighten out! I really ought to do you a favor and put you out of your miserable existence. What do you think?" Sanzo said.  
  
"Well, it isn't my fault that some bozo here was born all thumbs." Gojyo rolled his eyes.  
  
"WHAT did you say?" Click of a gun.  
  
Hakkai positioned himself between the two angry men. "Now, now, Sanzo, that isn't necessary, Gojyo and I will help you fix your reports after coffee. Right Gojyo?" Hakkai shot Gojyo a warning glance.  
  
"Ah, sure, whatever." Gojyo said.  
  
The three sat around Sanzo's desk, coffees in hand. "What are you both doing here at this time, by the way?" Hakkai asked, taking a sip. "Your shift ended..." Hakkai checked his watch "...7 hours ago."  
  
"Work for the old lady. Would you just LOOK at this?" Sanzo said in exasperation, gesturing to the messy piles on his desk. "These were reports turned in by the shift before us! Last count was 30, and I'm not even halfway done!"  
  
Hakkai sighed. "These days that's pretty normal. Gojyo and I went through 60 reports yesterday. The crime level in this town is definitely on the rise."  
  
"Well, at least not everything's SERIOUS. I mean, look at this." Gojyo said, randomly picking stapled reports from Sanzo's desk. "Mugging. Vandalism. Stolen laundry. Obscene phone calls." An orange piece of paper caught his eye and he picked it up. "My, we even handle traffic violations now?" Gojyo said in surprise.  
  
Sanzo snorted in disgust. "Yeah. Damn traffic police ALWAYS give us the heavy shit. This one was for the mayor's son. Drunk driving AND driving without a license. They pass the shit to us to save their own asses."  
  
Hakkai smiled. "I guess that's because we're disposable. No big loss if we get out asses fried. Beat cops are a dime a dozen."  
  
"You find that funny? It doesn't amuse me that we're seen that way." Sanzo said, eyebrow arched.  
  
A husky feminine voice spoke out. "Don't worry, dear nephew. That's going to end soon enough."  
  
The three turned towards the voice to see Kanzeon Bosatsu leaning against the doorway, arms crossed and a smile on her face.  
  
Sanzo rolled his eyes. "How long have you been standing there?"  
  
Kanzoen entered the room with long silky strides. "And good morning to you too, Konzen." She tossed an envelope onto his desk. "Here. This is for you."  
  
Sanzo frowned. "How many times have I told you not to call me that?" He eyed the envelope with a mixture of suspicion and resignation. "And what's this? More work???" he finished irritably.  
  
"It's a surprise. Open it." Kanzeon smiled.  
  
Still frowning, Sanzo tore open the envelope. A crisp white sheet tumbled out. Sanzo unfolded it as Gojyo and Hakkai crowded behind him to take a look. Three pairs of eyes widened simultaneously.  
  
It turned out to be a memorandum which read:  
  
  
  
IN RE: PROMOTIONS  
  
The following are HEREBY promoted to the position of LIEUTENANT:  
  
X X X PRECINCT 10  
  
1) Genjo Sanzo  
  
2) Cho Hakkai  
  
3) Sha Gojyo  
  
4) Son Goku  
  
Noted and Signed.  
  
  
  
Three heads slowly turned to Kanzeon, eyes wide with disbelief. Kanzeon let out a chuckle at the sight. "What's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost."  
  
Sanzo gingerly raised the memo, holding it between his thumb and forefinger. "Is this true?"  
  
Kanzeon said, "I guess so. We at the upper levels aren't used to playing jokes anyway."  
  
Gojyo let out a whoop and raised both fists in the air. "Whoooo!! PROMOTED! We're finally promoted!!!" He snatched the memo from the still- shocked Sanzo and ran over to the sleeping Goku, shaking him awake. "Hey! Wake up you bakazaru! Cmon!! Look at THIS!!" Goku only had time to utter a sleepy "Nani??" when the memo was shoved in his face. "Read it! Read it!" Gojyo said, jumping excitedly.  
  
Goku took the sheet, yawned hugely, sleepy eyes skimming the page with tired effort but suddenly snapping open. "NANI???!! 'Lieutenant'?" He rubbed his eyes vigorously and read the memo again. "We're...we're PROMOTED??"  
  
"Yes." Kanzeon smiled. "Congratulations to all of you." She turned to leave with obvious pleasure on her face.  
  
"Wait." Sanzo called, finally snapping out of his shock. Kanzeon turned, still smiling. "Did you... have something to do with this?" Sanzo asked.  
  
"Hmm...let's just say I know how to appreciate all the hard work you've been doing in my precinct." She winked before turning away. "Congratulations. You boys deserve it."  
  
  
  
~copyright, blinkie~  
  
~end, prologue~  
  
More to follow :- 


	2. chapter 1 Electric Dominatrix

**Author's Note: You must be surprised. I've practically abandoned this fic, yet I updated. My utmost thanks to ****Saiyukifan for urging me to continue this. ^_^ Hell, I'm in the mood to update my fics! Chapter 4 of "Salesmen Saiyuki" is up, plus this. The only fic I haven't updated is "Coercion" sob. (These must be delaying tactics, ne?) I'm really sorry if I haven't done so. Can you say NO INSPIRATION? **

Anyway, to the following: **cool-kitsune, Suteki Hakkai, Kyri and ****Tri: here's my first chapter. And to all the readers, I hope you enjoy this fic.**

**Summary: In the prologue, we see the Sanzo-ikkou promoted to the position of Lieutenant. **

In this chapter, Gojyo and Hakkai will handle their very first case of their new position.

Standard disclaimers apply.

**Private Eye Saiyuki**

**By blinkie**

**Chapter 1: Electric Dominatrix**

Gojyo let out an appreciative whistle as he surveyed the room. "How does this grab you? Our very own office!" The room was small but cozy, just enough for two desks, a filing cabinet, and a couch-cum-foldaway bed, all of which Gojyo and Hakkai had painstakingly pushed here from their old workplace. The floor and walls were bare, revealing the elegant dark pine paneling. Gojyo ran his fingers lightly over the walls. "This is really, really nice," he sighed. "It makes working in this hellhole worth it!"

            Hakkai smiled. "It's definitely a refreshing change from the stuffy desks we used to have. We have such a beautiful view of the park too," he said, pushing the windows open to reveal the sun-dappled golden autumn leaves of the trees in the distance. 

            Gojyo joined Hakkai by the window and peered out. "You're right. It's lovely. Guess I've never looked at the park this way before." Gojyo languidly slung his arm over Hakkai's shoulder and leaned close to the brunette. "Want to go for a walk later?" he asked, winking, knowing Hakkai loved evening walks. A surprised chuckle escaped from Hakkai's lips. "I don't see why not," he smiled. As the two basked gazed at each other, the door suddenly opened and Sanzo and Goku walked into the room, Sanzo with a cigarette and Goku with a plate of noodles Sanzo coughed loudly. The two turned, startled, and Gojyo quickly withdrew his arm to his side.

            "Hey, don't mess up the place, we just finished cleaning it," said Gojyo, noticing the objects the other two held.

            "Don't worry. We're not going to stay long. The old hag wants us to meet her at her office now." Sanzo replied. 

            "Right now? But we just moved ALL this stuff here!" Gojyo whined, gesturing to the furniture in the office. "Tell her we're still tired..."

            Click. Sanzo cocked his revolver. "I'm not going back there just to tell her you're too lazy to go. I'm not the damn messenger boy here, you know." 

            "Yare yare, I guess we have to go too." Hakkai said with a nervous smile.

Kanzeon's office:

            "The Electric WHAT???" Goku asked, puzzled.

            "Dominatrix," Kanzeon repeated patiently from behind her desk, rolling her eyes.

            "Do-mi-NAY-trix?" Goku enunciated each syllable carefully. "What's that? Is that good to eat?"

            Gojyo snickered evilly. "Well, it could be. Depends on how you look at it.

            Goku eyed Gojyo suspiciously. "You're all hentai! I don't believe you!" He tugs once, twice at Sanzo's sleeve. "Sanzo, Sanzo, is a dominatrix good to eat?

            "URUSEI!!" thwack thwack

            "Itai!! How do you expect me to help if I don't even know what we're talking about??" Goku whined.

            "Who said anything about you helping out?" Kanzeon interrupted. "This is a special assignment for Gojyo and Hakkai here." She turned to the two. "It's your first assignment," she said, winking.

            "What?!! Then why did you call a meeting for ALL of us ??" Sanzo was exasperated. "Don't you have the least bit of sense in that head of yours, _kuso__ baba??"_

            "You're working for me, so I guess not," she retorted.

            "And what do you mean by that??!" Sanzo demanded irritably.

            "Don't waste that pretty head of yours trying to figure it out," Kanzeon replied with a smirk. Sanzo glared at her, trying to come back with a smart retort when Hakkai said:

            "Now, now, let's not fight now," Hakkkai said attempting to placate the family argument. "Mind telling us the details already?"

            "Ever the dutiful officer", Kanzeon smiled. "Not like some _people I know here," she added, giving Sanzo a sidelong glance. She picked up a thin file from the desk and tossed it to Hakkai. "There are only a few details. Read them yourself. All I want is to have this investigated as soon as possible. Do your stuff." She pointed at Sanzo and Goku. "And as for you two, you'll be backup."_

            " 'You'll be backup'? You called us just to tell us that? I must be _stupid to be working under such an airhead as you." Sanzo was almost tearing out his hair in frustration._

            "Well dear nephew, you said it, I didn't." Kanzeon gave her nephew a syrupy sweet smile.

            Sanzo stalked out of the office red-faced followed by the snickers of the others left behind.

-----------------

            Hakkai scanned the single page once more, not believing what he read. It was just too amusing to be true. Mysterious disappearances in an upper-class neighborhood specifically targeted at door-to-door salesmen. Electrolux, Avon, magazine subscriptions, whatever. Apparently the employers of these unfortunates had complained to the police only because they suspected not foul play but mischief on the salesmen's parts. On the page that Hakkai held Kanzeon had encircled a complaint that said "We give them free samples at work! They don't need to steal from us!!" and wrote "HA!! HA!!" beside it in red ink. Hakkai shook his head and smiled at this. 

            "Oi Hakkai, what's so funny?" Gojyo asked, glancing at him from behind the steering wheel. Gojyo, usually wild-haired and rugged, was all combed and clean and dressed in a pressed gray suit with matching red silk tie. Hakkai glanced at him and his smile grew wider. Such an incarnation of Gojyo was rare indeed.

            "Ah..this whole thing's funny. Psycho boss at work, first case like a thing out of scooby-doo, and you dressed like that. It's so surreal."]

"Well, psycho boss told us to do it our own way right? I figure this is the best way to know what's happening in that house."

"I must say, you look pretty sharp, Gojyo."

            "Why thank you, you sweetheart," Gojyo replied, batting his eyelashes at Hakkai.

            The car slowed to a halt at the corner of the block. "I guess that's the place," Gojyo said, pointing to an imposing structure of red brick and white cement. "Let's get this show on the road."

            "Gojyo, take care in there," Hakkai said, adjusting the hidden mike under Gojyo's shirt collar. "Don't forget to give the all-clear when everything's in place."

            "I will, I will, mother." Gojyo feigning irritation but pleased with the attention Hakkai was giving him. 

            "Goodluck then." Hakkai smiled, giving Gojyo a peck on the cheek.

            Gojyo winked as he stepped out of the car. "Don't forget the walk later huh?" He grabbed his attaché-case and slipped out the door. 

            Gojyo walked up to the house and rang the bell. Hakkai saw Gojyo standing on the doorstep one moment, and gone the next.

--------------

            Sanzo and Goku were having breakfast at a diner three blocks away. Or rather, GOKU was having breakfast. He was currently demolishing one plate stacked high with pancakes and another with a jumble of ham and bacon slices. Sanzo on the other hand was sipping his third coffee of the day and reading a newspaper. 

He glanced at his watch, letting out a short puff of irritation upon seeing the time. It was already 10:00 am. They'd been here for almost an hour and a half. 

He wondered how long they were going to have to wait there. And he was getting impatient.

_Our first day as lieutenant, spent as backup, he thought sourly._

_Backup, my ass.__ As if those two can't take care of themselves!!_

Was Sanzo jealous of his colleagues assignment? No, he wasn't. His bad mood was due to the fact that he was spending precious time as _backup, when he could be sleeping, for crying out loud! _

AND, this is OVERTIME!!

"More ham please!! And some buttered toast on the side!!!" Goku yelled to the cook.

Sanzo sighed heavily. It was going to be a looooong wait.

-------------

Hakkai glanced anxiously at his watch, then at the house. It was his fifth time within the hour to have done this. 

~_He's been in there for an hour now. But I don't hear anything anymore~_

Hakkai had been listening to the scant snippets of conversation between Gojyo and a woman; apparently, she was the mistress of the house. He heard greetings and trivialities exchanged about the weather- how cold it had been lately, snow flurries in the east, etc. He heard her ask if he wanted anything to drink, and he heard Gojyo decline politely, and he heard the lady insist. After that, he heard Gojyo comment on what wonderful tea she made, and he heard the pride in her voice as she said it was a special brew made by her sister-in-law, sent all the way from Nepal. 

_Everything seems quite normal, Hakkai thought. _

He yawned hugely, covering his mouth with a fist. Man, but he was tired! Last night's "activities" with his red-haired lover were quite beyond the usual. He smiled at the memory, feeling an odd pride at being the only one able to tame the wild playboy.  

He was distracted from his pleasant thoughts by Gojyo's voice. He had already started his sales pitch for something like (aluminum siding? burglar alarms? ~ Hakkai could not remember), when he started to doze off.....

He snapped awake. ~I can't sleep on the job!!~ the sensible part of him protested. But he could feel both the tiredness deep in his bones and the luscious memory of last night begging to be noticed, and he finally gave in. 

_Just a little nap, he thought, and promptly fell asleep._

------------------

If not for the incessant crackles of the radio, Hakkai would have slept till noon. At first he tried to ignore the noise but it kept up its relentless assault on his sleep-befuddled mind. Finally he picked it up when the voice on the radio called out so loud that a burst of static immediately followed.

"Uh...Unit 2. This is Hakkai," he answered fuzzily.

"Unit damn 2, damn right!!" The cutting tone was none other than Sanzo's. "Where the hell have you been??"

"Ah..gomen, I didn't hear the radio. I was outside." He lied with the practiced ease of a seasoned veteran, but he felt a tiny stab of guilt for being caught sleeping on the job, literally speaking.

"And?? What's happening there now? Where's Gojyo?" Sanzo demanded.

"He's still inside. Nothing much really. I was listening to their conversation. He should be coming out any minute now."

"Good, because I'm tired of waiting. If nothing's happening then Goku and I will be going back to the precinct now."

"Yes, Unit 1. Thanks for the back-up. Expect us back shortly."

"Over and out." Hakkai heard the click of the radio and the static that followed. He replaced his own radio and sagged against the seat.

_Good one there, Hakkai he congratulated himself. The sleep was rapidly evaporating from his mind as he became fully aware of his surroundings. _

He glanced at his watch and his eyes nearly bugged out of his head. _12:00__noon__ already? __I slept that long?! And quickly following on the heels of that thought was, __Gojyo's__ been in the house for more than three hours already! That couldn't be! Gojyo should have been here an hour and a half ago._

_We didn't talk about an arrest now. It was just supposed to be undercover investigation. The thought that Gojyo might have taken premature action flashed in his mind, but Hakkai shook it off. Gojyo was too sensible to do that. _

_But maybe he was trying to contact you, but you were asleep on your ass, a voice in his head suggested. The suggestion was difficult to ignore, but he managed nonetheless._

Hakkai pushed the earplugs deeper into his ears. Not a sound came out. He toggled the transistor switch on and off, but only dead air came out. _Shit..either__ his mike or my signal is busted. But whatever happened, this does not feel good. And if anything happened to Goyjo, it'd be my fault, sleeping on the job._

Hakkai felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Worry pounded his chest with its heavy fists. He stepped out of the car, a moment's indecision freezing him to the side of the door. _What if Gojyo calls while I'm out? Hakkai pushed the thought away. Gojyo wouldn't need to call; he could tell whatever needs to be told in person. Hakkai was going to enter the house._

~TBC~

**Author's Note: Alright, I seem to have an obsession with salesmen. ^_^;**

Anyway, how did it go? This is my first time to write a 'detective' fic. I was an avid fan of the Bobbsey Twins when I was young though. ^_^ Reviews would be greatly appreciated! 


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